Kangaroo Care

When Anna was born, I was aware of the concept of kangaroo care and I knew it was something I wanted to do with her as soon as possible. When she was one week old, her umbilical lines were removed and I was able to hold her for the first time! It was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. I was so happy to finally be holding my own living child, but just two days prior we had received the devastating news of her brain bleeds and the weight of all of my experiences as a mother were heavy. I felt happy, sad, relieved, and afraid. I didn't know if it would the the first and only time I would hold her and I grieved for what I never experienced with Patricia.  

I also had unrealistic expectations. After all of the research we had done about the benefits of kangaroo care, I expected Anna to just melt into my chest and immediately relax and develop normal heart and breathing rates and for it to be this amazing bonding experience. I expected to finally feel like a mother. However, Anna was barley 27 weeks old,still under two pounds, and on a ventilator. It took a team of people to get her on my chest and she tolerated being held for a little while but eventually she got upset and her oxygen level began to drop so we had to put her back in the incubator. 

First time being held by Mommy

Totally worth it!

When we tried again a couple of days later, we both did a little better but unfortunately the vent tubes gave us trouble which resulted in a traumatic experience when Anna's oxygen and heart rates dropped very low and the room exploded with alarms and people. I ended up crying in the corner while Anna was bagged and the respiratory therapists worked to stabilize her. The sadness, anger, guilt, and fear I felt was powerful.

Thankfully, Cliff and I supported and encouraged each other to keep trying. We waited to hold her again until she was on CPAP which meant she was breathing on her own and even if the tubes got a little messy in transition, she could still breathe. Sometimes she liked it for just a few minutes, sometimes much longer. Sometimes it calmed her down, sometimes it made her restless and upset. With more encouragement from her care team, we charged on. She was just over two weeks old when her daddy got to hold her.

First time being held by Daddy

As our time in the NICU continued, we became champions of kangaroo care, literally! The hospital physical therapy team was in the process of rolling out a program to encourage kangaroo care and we did an on-camera interview regarding the benefits of kangaroo care for parents. We became celebrities as the video was shown to all staff and Cliff and Anna's photo was put on a flyer hung in all the NICU rooms! Cliff was named the Kangaroo Care King by the physical therapy team.

Cliff and Anna's picture on the flyer

First time holding Anna without tubes!

As Anna grew and became more comfortable with our touch, kangaroo care became the biggest part of our day. Cliff and I would trade off holding her, sometimes up to 12 hours a day. We were lucky to be in a NICU with all-private rooms and the ability to room in so we could shut the door, pull up the computer, and watch movies and TV shows on Netflix while we held her. It was the next best thing to being at home in our living room! We (and her care team) truly believe that the hours and hours of kangaroo care we did with Anna have greatly contributed to the progress she has made in her development. It also made a difference in our confidence as parents and our overall NICU experience.

I plan to do kangaroo care with all our future babies and may even get my kangaroo on with Anna tonight. It's never too late!